Happy 10 Year Jail-iversary!!

By Mandi 05/09/2013

Sorry to stray a bit from the normal DIY project postings today friends, but today is a day of celebration at the Gubler’s!!. I believe that sometimes the hardest anniversaries are the most important ones to remember.

Sometimes God Changes Our Situation in Order to Change Our Heart

Yes, in fact that IS a cake with handcuffs on it. Given to Court from one of our friends that attend our Wed. night 12 step meeting.

10 years ago today was one of the worst days of my life. (Literally,  like top 2.)

10 years ago today Court was arrested. I was 6 months pregnant with Ivie and our lives were out of control in the worst way. Court had been dealing with a drug addiction that robbed every single person that loved him of their life. If you havent experienced addiction first hand you may not understand how one person’s inability to fight this demon could do that. But it will suck the light out of even the brightest person.

Some people might be ashamed of finding themselves in this situation, but by the time we finally found recovery we were so far past the embarrassment/shamefulness. We were in the completely hopeless phase. But that is another celebration for another day.

10 years ago today I was working in the mall when my life was turned on its head by one answered prayer. A prayer that I had said the night before pleading with God to take Courtney’s addiction away. (Obviously we are a little more careful about how we pray now!)  I could not fathom why a prayer was answered this way. I was so angry.

Courtney was gone in jail and in rehab for 6 months. He was gone while Ivie was born, and for the first 3 months of her little life.

Today I can see so clearly that without that intervention Court would not be alive. Those 6 months that took an eternity to pass, now seem like only a moment.

So although it took 7 more years to find true recovery it was totally worth it.

LDS Addiction Recovery Program

Don’t give up on the people you love. You can’t change them, you can’t fight this battle for them, and you have no control over their choices, but you can love them.

And sometimes that is enough.

You can read our entire real life story from the beginning, to where we are today. Its long and full of miracles. And I thank God every single day that he has blessed me with the experience.

Love Your Guts

59 thoughts on “Happy 10 Year Jail-iversary!!”

  1. Beautifully said! Can’t imagine how hard that must have been, but truly value your testimony of deliverance and celebration of new life! Congratulations to you BOTH and best wishes for the next ten years to be the happiest of your lives.

  2. SO SO happy to read this – and I love that you’re honest, transparent, and real about all of it too. You guys are a total inspiration!! <3

  3. Mandi thank you so much for sharing your story. I work as a counselor for people who have addictions. These are the types of stories that give hope to all those who are still struggling everyday with an addiction. You and your family’s testimony is an amazing example of what can happen when recovery happens.

  4. You and your family are an inspiration. Your love for Court definitely saved him. I for one am thankful that you had a positive outcome. Addiction has touched my family in a very different way. On Dec 8th, 2012, a drug addict broke into our truck at 6pm in the evening, in daylight still, and in the ensuing altercation my husband was stabbed. A desperate 29yr old man, looking to steal goods to sell for drugs, while being pinned to the ground by my 6th degree black belt husband, took advantage of a moments lapse, pulled a stolen knife from his back pocket and sank it to the hilt into my husbands upper arm. It could have been his neck, or his chest, thank God it wasnt. This past Monday we sat in court listening to the judge sentence this man to 12 months in jail. 12 months less time served (as he couldnt post bail). We heard how hard it was for this man. How he had to undergo withdrawal without aid while in jail. How he had had some disappointments, some deaths to deal with, inappropriate peers for friends. I almost felt sad for him, almost. He had no one in the court for him. NOt his mother, although she was mentioned in the summation. Not his girlfriend, former or current not sure. He cried. He said he was sorry. And still I could not bring myself to feel sorry for him. Because at the end of the day he almost destroyed my entire world. For drugs. And I truly feel that he will be there again. In less than 3 months he will be out on the street again. He doesnt have the love and support of someone, anyone, to help him succeed. To give him reason to succeed. That is the sadness and waste of his life. Court is one very fortunate young man to have your love and support. And very fortunate that he didnt reach that particular pit in his addiction. I congratulate both of you on this milestone! Maybe some day I can find in my heart the ability to let go of the fear and anger I still have inside towards that 29 yr old addict.

  5. <3 love seeing such honesty in a blog. Congrats to him! My kids dad struggled with drugs and still struggles with alcohol (or, we struggle) and it is such an exhausting thing to witness and not be able to fix. I’m so glad Court was able to overcome his addiction!

  6. having experienced addiction very close and personally (not myself, but someone i loved a lot), i appreciate your anniversary celebrations today and send my love and congrats for every day that he (and you!) are healthy 🙂

  7. My son is also a recovering addict…and our family knows, first hand, how this can destroy an entire family. I have learned through the process of recovery, that sometimes the answers we receive from our Heavenly Father, are not always in the form we had hoped…but the outpouring of blessings from being faithful during the fire are unfathomable and also more than expected.
    We are going on 2 years…we have quite a ways to go still and we all have a new “normal.” But we are healthy, sober and moving forward.
    Thank you for sharing your story – I know it is not easy, but I also know it brings hope to others that may be enduring the same thing.

    ~alicia

  8. I’ve been following your blog for awhile, but I must admit I had never read ‘your story’. I just read it and and want to tell you what an inspiration it is. My brother in law is an alcholic and (we think) still on drugs as well. His wife left him, he lost his license, his job and he almost lost his house and brought my in-laws to the brink. They are both in their 80’s and though my husband keeps trying to fix it, I keep telling him that he can’t. No one can. Until his brother decides to make that decision on his own nothing will work. He has gotten a job and my in-laws were/have been/are paying his bills both now and before he got his job. This has put a huge strain on our family. Resentment from them of feeling like they had to pay for his mistakes, resentment from my husband (and me too) that they are enabling him more by continuing to bail him out of every situation. Tension between my in-laws because one thinks they should let him sink or swim on his own, the other thinks they should continue to help him because ‘he’s her son and that’s what mother’s do’. Things on the surface are a little better. She (MIL) thinks that there is no way that he is still drinking or doing drugs because he doesn’t have the money. My husband keeps trying to tell her that addicts will find a way. And…he is always drunk at night when my husband talks to him on the phone. It’s a bad situation, but he doesn’t want to change and doesn’t believe he has a problem. We have washed our hands of it. It was causing problems within our family in our house and my husband had to come to the conclusion that he couldn’t fix it. I had to back off and let him come to that conclusion on his own without my input. This was hard because I could see what his ‘fix it’ attitude was doing to him, but I finally decided that nothing I was saying or doing was helping my husband get there any faster. He is finally to the place where he has stepped back from the situation. He is involved in our family and what we need from him. He is still there for them if they call and need him, but he no longer tries to ‘fix everything’. He has realized that it’s not up to him. He has talked to each of them and told them his feelings and that unless they (in-laws) were willing to make changes to how they react to each situation that they didn’t need to call him anymore. He told them if they want to talk about their feelings or if they needed him in some other way to feel free to call, but if they only wanted to call and vent about something new his brother had done without being willing to change something on their end that they didn’t need to bother him with it anymore. A very hard thing to tell your parents, but years of making excuses for him has gotten old. They don’t even focus on their two grandchildren as their ‘grown child in his 50’s” always takes priority. My husband pointed out to them that they never celebrate what’s good in their life because it seemed like the ‘squeaky wheel always got the grease’ so to speak. His dad agreed that he was right. MIL just got defensive and angry and that hurt him, but my husband finally decided that he had to be okay with that. He found that HE was an enabler too by not saying speaking up and being a mirror to them in the begining. It was time for tough love. It has helped some, but my sweet husband struggles daily. So do they. I don’t see it actually changing because he doesn’t want to change. I just see them not stressing over each new thing he does these days and finding a semblence of peace. Your story was so inspiring and I thank you for sharing it. Blessngs to your sweet family.

    1. Thanks for sharing your own story. I don’t have experience with addiction, but I relate to what you say about having to let people come to their own conclusions and making their own choices.

  9. It is good to hear people’s real life stories…I just listened to a speaker this weekend who talked about her journey that ended her up in jail. It was a story of repentance and forgiveness. Congrats on Courtney’s accomplishments. It can’t be easy, but with God’s help, possible.

  10. Great testimony! It’s great when people can be transparent and share what they’ve been through to help others. So many are going through so much. We can learn from, be strengthened by and encouraged by others who have gone before and are on the other side. What a blessing you are to your readers! Keep it coming! <3

  11. Freaking LOVE YOU, MANDI! You and hubby are an inspiration to all! You are one of the few strong women who didn’t leave when most have. Bravo to you. He’s a man worth fighting for and I’m so happy for your family!! XOXO

    ps: LOVE this cake too, the humor rocks. Hubby’s a cop so I may have to copy it for a bday…then use the cuffs afterward, bwah hahah! (;

  12. I will never EVER neglect to commend for speaking so publicly about your experiences with such honestly and without shame. I always say that every organ in our body can be diseased and we get therapy without thinking twice about it but when the organ is the brain and the disease is something we can’t do an MRI for we discount it, think it isn’t real or that it can be willed away. You know that isn’t true as you know the work that it takes. Keep speaking the truth and loving your man.

  13. This is absolutely awesome! I rather new to your blog so just catching up on the whole story BUT I wanted to say that this is a amazing. I hope you all enjoy one massive celebration for such an accomplishment.

  14. Wow. I am so glad in your case love was enough. Too many times, that is not the case, but many times it is and I think we all need to hear more of those types of stories so thank goodness for your bravery in sharing! I am so glad and so solidly impressed that your husband decided to make the choice (though many years in the making…) to keep his family and leave his addiction. Serious kudos to him.

  15. Congratulations to you both! A situation like this definitely affects you both and usually more than just two. Thank God for the rehab and the changes in his life.

    Judy

  16. Miss Mandi. Coming from a family who has known all the pains of drug addiction–you’re amazing! Sending lots and lots of love. xo

  17. Your blog is my favorite for many reasons, but this is one of them…that you’re so open and honest about your life and imperfections. It’s refreshing and I think we could be friends. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your life with us. Have a wonderful day!

  18. Seriously!!!!!! You do know how much I LOVE you in every way…yes? You are my inspiration for wanting to continue to live on and grow even in hard times. That cake rocks! Congrats Court. Congrats Mands. Congrats to all the people who learn from you both, weekly. Sharing this just makes me love you more. Is that even possible?

  19. Congratulations to celebrating 10 years of change and miracles! Heavenly Father loves His children and you have experienced that first hand! Have a wonderful day being thankful for repentance and forgiveness! Congrats to both of you for hanging in there! I admire you and your outlook on life….and I love your blog!

  20. Yours is the only blog that I enjoy reading word for word. While I really don’t possess an interest or a knack for DIY home design/renovation, I love your sense of humor and your honesty. Keep up the good work.

  21. This made me tear up…such a moving story. And I loved the way you ended it – you can’t change people, you can only love them. But in your story, Court DID change and that is so powerful to me because he didn’t change because you forced him to, he changed because you loved him and eventually he was able to recover because of it. Ahhh I can’t get over how wonderful this post is. My eyes are seriously swelling with tears. Thank you for sharing something so personal and beautiful with us.

    xoxo
    Melyssa | The Nectar Collective

  22. AMEN sweetie! My brother faces alcohol demons and I often pray that he could control it. While it was heartbreaking and difficult at the time, you now know that God was totally watching out for your family!

    The weird thing is that my Mom is currently facing terminal cancer and suddenly my brother seems okay and in control, not turning to the bottle as we face this family crisis.

  23. Thank you for sharing your story. As hard as things were, you wouldn’t be who you are today without going through the struggles you’ve faced, and it’s a blessing that you’ve come so far. I believe that your post has given hope to a lot of people. I wish you and your family all the best, and I applaud your authenticity, sincerity and courage.

  24. Wow, isn’t it awesome that through the miracle of the atonement, people can TRULY change?! Thanks for sharing such a beautiful picture of your husband with his missionary tag and that glint in his eye. I can only imagine how he must have looked ten years ago, but it must have been completely different. Happy Jailiversary!

  25. Wow, what a beautiful story and what a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your amazing talents and your story as well. We all have need of the Savior and his Atoning Sacrifice

  26. This is an amazing story of the journey you guys have been on. I am very thankful you have shared it! I always thought in the back of my mind, what would I do if my husband was addicted to drugs (I think I watch too much intervention, lol) and I always thought I would not be able to handle it and would end up leaving. Your story in insiration to me. We don’t know what will happen in life but whatever it is; as a couple, you can overcome more than you think.

  27. I love that you are so open about it and celebrating the good in the situation! Seeing people in the addiction stage is not easy… and sometimes hard to remember to love them. Thank you for sharing! And keep up the good work! You are inspiring others 🙂

    -Julie
    http://www.TheMLBB.com

  28. I love that you make a cake to celebrate! Now this sin’t nearly on the same scale, but my mom still gives my dad a gift on the anniversary of the day he quit smoking. It has been more than 30 years and she continues to congratulate him. I hope your family continues to celebrate for many many years to come!

  29. It’s nice to see a post that isn’t all hearts and butterflies. Life is hard. It’s not perfect, and always a challenge. It’s good to hear that he has made it to the better side and you stuck by him, even though I am sure it was not an easy road traveled. For better or worse right?

  30. Thank you for keeping the sugar coating at bay. We all have our trials and issues to bear in this life and though we may feel ashamed/embarrassed, sharing those experiences makes us and others stronger.

  31. I hope that you show him all the comments supporting him! It sounds so cliche and old lady-ish but “good for him!” Seriously. There’s no short way to say it.

    Also…I see you, 5 Guys Burgers.

  32. Congratulations on your anniversary! Thank you for being so real about your life. It’s truly refreshing. I think that is amazing that he has fought his demons and found light in his life. Happy for you all!

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